A few days ago I joined a community of parents who have all, unfortunately, lost a pregnancy or a child. It's called Brief Encounters and it seems to be an amazing organization where parents grieving the loss of a child or the loss of a pregnancy (like us - although to me it's the loss of my pregnancy and the loss of my child) can go to get support from people with stories similar to theirs. A place where they can go to speak about their feelings, emotions, and tell their story...without worrying about judgement or criticism. This group was recommended to Alberto and I by both our genetics counselor Pat and our grief counselor Erin. As soon as they gave me the information, I knew I would eventually seek the group out. On Thursday I posted on the Facebook page about our story. I told the group everything, because, that's just how I am...I am an open book. Within hours of posting our story, I received a response from a women who I'll refer to as MMT. She had some very informative, comforting and supportive things to say. She also messaged me privately and we talked about our living daughters, our angel daughters (both diagnosed with Trisomy 18), our grief, our support systems, etc. She was so open and willing to share her story and her experience with me and I was just blown away at her knowledge and her understanding of her own grief (her daughter M, passed away last August). She even offered to meet with me and Isla to have coffee and let our girls play together. Because she's a baby loss Mom, she understands and can sort of predict the feelings and emotions I have and without me having to ask, she told me that she's pregnant with her first rainbow baby (this is a term used by women in the baby loss communityto refer to a baby(ies) born after an angel baby). I was honest with her and told her right now, I am not in a place where I am okay when I am around pregnant women or women with small infants. Obviously, she understood and was gracious about it. When I am at a point when I can deal with the emotions and feelings I have when I am around pregnant women and women with small infants, I will most certainly have coffee with MMT and her daughter K.
On Friday MMT posted an article by a licensed clinical counselor, writer, and grief advocate named Megan Devine. It's called "How To Help A Grieving Friend: 11 Things To Do When You're Not Sure What To Do". This article is so very good. It just hits the nail on the head. I feel like I've said some of these things to my family or to people who have tried to support me through different times of grief in my life (I'm sure I've said one or two of these things on this blog). I am just so thankful that MMT posted this because I can share it with you all. The link is below...please read this. Seriously. It will not only help you in your encounters with me, but, it'll help you with an encounter you may have with someone else you know who is grieving the loss of someone.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-devine/death-and-dying_b_4329830.html
If you're so inclined, tell me what you think about this article. Was it helpful? Do you disagree with things noted on it or have something to add?
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