Easter 2014

What an amazing Easter Sunday we had. Isla was just the cutest thing ever when she woke up in the morning. It was almost like she didn't immediately know it was Easter. But, once she climbed out of her bed, she just stood there...and then, when her brain clicked and she remembered, she came running over to me. Both Alberto and I said "It's Easter Isla - happy Easter!" and she got so excited. We took her potty and then we let her run into the bonus room to find her basket. She was so delighted with all the treats and sweets inside it. She wanted to eat all the candy we filled the eggs with, of course (jelly beans, skittles, gummy bears, chocolate kisses, and malted eggs). We let her have a few pieces here and there while she fumbled through what the Easter Bunny had left for her. She loved all the puzzles (she got 5 total - a huge hand made wooden one from Melissa and Doug, and two different kinds of the cardboard ones...all Disney Jr shows she likes), her sand toys, the toys for her playdoh, the safety scissors as well as the dot-a-dot art dotters she got. It was so fun doing the puzzles with her. We bribed her to have break fast (with candy, heh) and after that, Alberto played with her for a little while while I went out into our backyard to hide the eggs we'd dyed the day before. I also hide some of the plastic eggs we'd put candy in (I took all the candy out and ate it, hehe). Once I was done, I got our camera and we all headed outside for Isla's egg hunt. She LOVED it, and, it was so adorable seeing her discover each egg. Whenever she found on, she's say "hhhuuuuuhhhh!" and she'd pick it up and say "I found another one!". Once she found all the eggs in the backyard, she noticed there were eggs on the stairs leading up to the front yard. She asked to look for eggs in the front yard, which was perfect because we had a surprise waiting for her in the garage...her brand new, pink, Disney Princess Mustang (power wheel)! She was so excited. It was the cutest thing ever to see her drive her little car. It's going to take some practice, but, she'll eventually get the hang of it. We visited with our neighbors and friends M & T for a while and then we came home for lunch and a nap (for Isla). 
Later I cooked us an awesome dinner and we enjoyed it as a family. Here are a few photos of our day:

Isla's Easter Loot

Silly faces

Enjoying her dotters

Playdoh toys

Playing with eggs, waiting to go egg hunting 

Finding eggs in the backyard 

Eggs galore 

Cruising in her new ride

Easter dinner 

My Family <3

Although we had a very nice Easter...as always, I can't help but feel like something is missing. I am fine, emotionally, a lot of the time. And I've been having more good days than bad as of late. But, inevitably, the moments come when I stop moving (I am always moving...always busy) and I think about what has happened to me. When I allow myself the time to think about what I've lost. When let myself think about how incredibly sad I am that Jeslyn will not be here in my arms in late summer/early fall and what that means for every day I will live for the rest of my life. How every holiday, there will be someone missing. And there it is again...my black cloud, stopping by to remind me that although it's been a good day, my black cloud is never far from me. For I have lost my child and the sadness (although I will eventually learn how to live with it on a daily basis and be "okay") I feel will NEVER go away. 

Oh Jeslyn...I love you and I miss you in my tummy every.single.day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that things could have been different - that you were still in my tummy, and that we'd have a date in the very near future where I would birth you into this world and hold you close. Please know that no mater what, you are my daughter and although we have not met yet, we will be together in the end. Until then, your Grand Daddy will take good care of you for me <3