The Deets on My First Day of School

I was not looking forward to this day. Well...I should say that most of me wasnt looking forward to this day and a small part of me was looking forward to it.

I have sort of been on a break from school since the Saturday after losing Jeslyn. I'd decided that I could not spend my time trying to focus on studying for a final exam that I knew I would surely fail. So, I turned in all the homework I had plus my project and told my professor that I needed to take an incomplete in her course and come back next term to finish the final (I was somehow able to finish all the work in my course so that all I needed to do this term was to take the final exam). Luckily, she was very supportive and allowed me that luxury.

Adding to my fear of beginning school again was the fact that I'd be taking a daytime class...starting at 9a. It has been a LONG time since I've taken a 9a class. Like 7+ years long, so, this made me nervous. I also had established a great study group with my anatomy and physiology ladies J and T, and I didn't want to have to take my microbiology class alone. But, J doesn't need to take this class (she's on the path to becoming a radiologist) and T couldn't take the class at the same time as me. So, alone I will be. Oh, and did I mention that I've been an emotional and mental wreck as of late? Rightfully so, obviously. But, seriously...how and the hell can I focus on learning and studying about microbes and viruses and things of that nature when I can barely find enough mental strength and capacity to remember to do the things I'm supposed to do on a daily basis? It's only been just over two weeks since the worst day of my life and I am still in that stage where I think about it a lot and I replay the events leading up to that day and the day itself over and over in my head. But, I am somehow supposed to stop doing that between the hours of 9a-12:50 and focus on learning the principles and techniques and what not of microbiology. I'm rambling now, but you get the picture. I did not feel prepared to start this class. 

Fears engaged and coffee in hand, off to school I went...and, I'm pleased to report that I did it. I was able to sit in lab and focus enough to listen and respond to my professor. I was able to learn how to do a quadrant streak with an unknown bacteria that I will eventually identify at the end of the term. I also met a few girls in my class that I think are very nice and that will likely form my micro study group. I even sat and talked with one of them for forty-five minutes - and was "normal" while doing so (or I hope she thought I was). I did fine in lecture as well. I paid attention, took notes, and asked questions. 

All in all, I felt like the first day of this term went well. Maybe school will provide some sort of outlet or constructive distraction for me? I guess only time will tell.