OMSI & a Playdate

It’s Saturday today and that means family time. When we don’t have school or work, anyway. We’re on spring break from school at the moment, so family time it is. 

Since I am finding it incredibly hard to be in public, today morphed into a Daddy/Daughter date for Alberto and Isla. Sure, there are places I go in public…like to the grocery store or to Lowes, etc. I even went to the beach and out to a park and dinner last weekend. But, when going out consists of going somewhere especially for kids (I know, I know…I mentioned going to the park), I shudder at the thought. For now, it hurts and makes me so sad when I see women walking around with their round pregnant bellies on full display. It makes me think about how just a few weeks ago, I was pregnant with my own child. I had a beautiful baby girl growing inside my own soft and pudgy belly and even though I had yet to feel her kick me, she was there…alive. Fast forward to today and my womb is empty. Gone is the life of my child and all the plans and dreams I had for her and our family. Whenever I see pregnant women and their bellies, my mind goes straight back to that day, what happened on that day and how I miss my baby and have been grieving losing her ever since. So, I try to shield myself from falling into that place as much as I can. I’m sure you understand. Not only does seeing pregnant women put me in that place again, seeing moms with small infants also puts me in that place. I try to avoid this as well. Luckily, those two things sort of go hand in hand…and sometimes, are both displayed at the same time (a double mind f*ck). It was mentioned to Isla yesterday that we would go to OMSI today. Both Alberto and I have learned that Isla remembers EVERYTHING we tell her. What this means is, if you tell Isla anything about going somewhere specific (or vague, for that matter), you’d better be willing to go because she’s going to remember that you mentioned it. Not only is she going to remember you mentioned it, she’s going to ask you about it or bring it up. So, when Alberto asked Isla what she wanted to do to (this was like 12+ hours after he’d mentioned OMSI to her before…and there were 10-11 hours of sleep during these 12+ hours) this morning, she promptly replied “Go to OMSI!” See? Told you. OMSI it is.

Alberto and Isla left around 9:45a and I decided that instead of sitting on my a** and being lazy, or, thinking about how sh*tty my life feels right now, I was going to do something. A little spring cleaning. We’d let our dining room that is now our work out room get filled with misc things that don’t belong in there. Not to mention I stashed a ton of boxes in there yesterday when the carpet cleaning guy came to clean our carpet (everywhere except the dining room because we have such little foot traffic in there). My task was daunting, but, I tackled it and got it done right as Alberto and Isla came back from OMSI. I cut all the boxes down to size so that they could be recycled, I shredded the MOUNDS of papers and receipts in our shred “pile”, I gathered up all my random holiday décor and put them away in a closet, put Alberto’s random tools in a box to keep them together (he never knows where anything is because he doesn’t have an official tool box in our garage yet), organized our dumbbells and anything else in the room that would stay. During my cleaning, I had an emotional conversation with my Mom over the phone where I broke down and cried about Jeslyn. Eventually, I had to tell my Mom I had to go so that I could compose myself and get back to what it was that I’d sat out to do. I was determined to get it done. Shortly after Alberto and Isla arrived, Al put Isla down for nap and we moved the computer out of our downstairs bedroom (my Mom's new room when she comes back to stay with us in June) and into the workout room. So, it’s now a workout room/office.

I stayed busy all afternoon, and, I liked that because it helps me to keep my mind from wandering to that deep and dark place that it’s been in for quite some time now. When Isla woke, we went to Costco to buy a few things and then came back to give Isla dinner and await the arrival of her friend K. She’s not had a friend over to play at our house in a while, so, when K’s mom mentioned not being able to take her to an evening party, I offered to watch K at our place while her and her husband went to the party. I’m so glad I did, because, Isla and K had a BLAST. They ran around our bonus room like chickens with their heads cut off. They played dress up, shot hoops, played with Isla’s Thomas train and track, took turns sliding down Isla’s slide, and even made a picnic in Isla’s circus tent. I mean…these girls were none stop from the time K came over until we put Isla down to bed at 9:30p! We NEVER let her stay up that late, but, because of all that’s been going on lately and how I’ve felt guilty about sheltering Isla over the last few weeks, we let her live a little. K was ready to retire too, so we let her lay low in Isla’s pack n play with her ipad while we waited for her mom and dad to come back. When they did, she was so happy to see them and I was happy that I’d had a productive day, and, I fulfilled my mommy duties by making my child happy. All in all, it was one of my better days as of late.