Remember how I said in the last post that yesterday, 7/4, would have been a milestone day in my pregnancy with Jeslyn? The 30 week mark. And remember how I said my grief was bubbling below the surface ALL DAY and I felt like I needed to hold it in and be strong because we had company and I didn't want to ruin everyone else's holiday? Well...I shouldn't have done that. Because, it always comes out...always. My black cloud finds a way, and, today it rained on me something fierce. I was supposed to go to a Mom's Night In at a friends house this evening. She and some of my other friends put together n awesome set-up with tents, sleeping bags, food, drinks...the whole nine. And I'd been looking forward to going because it's been a long time since I've spent some good, quality time with these ladies. Oh, AND, we'd planned on going to the beach today. To Cannon Beach. It's sort of a tradition...we go to the beach the weekend after the 4th. But, NONE of this happened...none of it. Because all I could think about was missing my girl...grieving for my girl. I spent most of the day in bed, crying on and off...trying to tend to Isla when I can. But, mostly just drowning myself in my grief. And, that's OK. Obviously, I needed to.
So, yes...today was a sad Saturday </3
When I was 19 my friend passed away unexpectedly. I ran into his mom a few years later and I asked how she was doing. She stopped for a minute and said, "They keep telling me it gets better with time, it doesn't. It just gets different every day." I think she meant in that some days it felt like things would be alright and then some days it felt like it had just happened. So, I'm sorry you guys are going through all this grieving and I wish I could say something like it gets better but that would be arrogant of me. Anyway, we love you guys and we're always here.
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