Going to Work

I was not looking forward to going in to work today. I may, or may not have mentioned this already…but, I work on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays a Gymboree Play & Music. I teach play and learn classes (levels 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and family gym), I teach a sports II class, I assist in an art III class, and I also work at the front desk between classes. Usually, I love my job at Gymboree. It’s so much fun to watch all my little clients learn while playing in a safe, structured, “yes” environment. It’s also great to get to know the parents as well. Some of them you even form more personal relationships with (D and his son C are a perfect example of that - hi D!). Some days are hard, but, all in all, it’s a joyous job that allows to me interact with all different types of children and grownups. I have learned so much about myself as a parent in the process, and, that has been one of the many blessings bestowed upon me while working with my Gymboree family. 

But, today…only 2 days post our last ultrasound and the CVS, I was not ready to face the world as a Gymboree employee. I was not ready to put a smile on my face and pretend like the life of my child is not in limbo. I was not ready to see the amazing things you see at Gymboree. You know…pregnant moms walking in with their beautiful pregnant bellies on full display. Moms of both toddlers and little ones, loving on their children, bonding with them while they play and learn. I just wasn’t ready for any of it. Despite all that, I did head in to work after dropping Isla off at school. 

I am usually the first there. But, today, L (co-owner and my boss) and teacher J (a co-worker of mine) beat me there. I walked in, sluggishly, sat my things down in the back, and proceeded to the front desk area to sign in. L greeted me, asked me how things went on Wednesday, and…I just LOST it. I was a sobbing, bawling mess while explaining to her what we saw over ultrasound, what it meant, what our genetic counselor said, and how long we’d have to wait for the results. L handed me tissue after tissue and eventually, took me in her arms as I continued to fall apart. Clients were begging to show up for our 8:50a art III class, so, L and I moved into the studio to continue talking. She asked me at that point how I felt about continuing on today. I told her I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. She absolutely understood and sent me home. I told her I would think about how I felt about coming in to work at Gymboree for the foreseeable future by the end of the weekend. So, home I went…to wallow, to cry, to sob, to bawl. To somehow get through the day, when, I have no idea if my baby is okay or not. To live, when I have no way of knowing whether or not the life that Alberto and I made will grow to full term, be delivered, and become a tangible part of the D household. Whether we’ll have our baby here for my birthday, or Halloween, or…the holidays. 

How in the hell am I supposed to wait until not next Wednesday, THE FOLLOWING Wednesday to know one way or another. God help me.

NIPT Blood Test & Ultrasound...Or So I Thought

I can’t believe I had to work on a day like today. How in the hell I focused on teaching 3 play and learn classes is beyond me. But, I did…I worked from 8:30a until 12p. After I was done with work, I got myself dressed in street clothes. I wore jeans, a pink thermal shirt with a white tank top, grey slouch boots, and a white bow in my hair. It was up, in sort of a bun/pony kinda style. Once I got dressed and left work, I had time on my hands. I was supposed to meet Alberto at Mother Joseph Plaza, so, I had time to spare. Instead of driving to the doctor’s office and sitting in the parking lot alone, I decided to go shopping. 

This was weird for me, as I am not really the shopping kind. But, the Streets of Tanasbourne (an outdoor shopping mall) is very close to work, so, I decided to head over that way. I ended up going into H&M and thought I might buy some long sleeved shirts for Isla. I had been saying for a while she needed new shirts, so, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to buy her some. Once I got into the store, fumbling through the clothes and picturing them on Isla sort of got my mind off of things. I told Alberto (via text message) that I was shopping, thinking he might tell me not to spend too much money. But, he didn’t. Why I thought that is beyond me, since he never gives me budgets and pretty much lets me buy whatever I need to buy for Isla. ‘Cause she’s got him wrapped around his little finger. Anyway, I found lots of cute things for her. She’s obsessed with Ariel of the Little Mermaid right now, so, I found a really cute Little Mermaid sweater for her. It has Ariel and Flounder smack dab in the middle of the ocean scene and the sweater itself is a deep, rich navy blue. I had to get it for her because the moment I saw it, I knew she’d go bananas over it. I also bought her an adorable jean jacket. She’s has a white one for quite some time, but, I’ve always wanted her to have a light jeaned colored one. So, I got that for her as well as a few other things. $92 dollars later, I decided I’d better get myself on the road and stop burning a hole in my and Alberto’s pocket. Not before I decided to stop at Jack n the Box though. I was starving because I hadn’t really eaten much, so, I bought a small cheeseburger, a small fry, and a medium sized Sprite. Now that I’d shopped and grabbed a bite to eat, I really needed to get my butt on the road and make my way to the perinatology clinic at Kaiser’s Mother Joseph Plaza campus.

Parking was an ordeal, to say the least. This place is huge and I hadn’t been there before. Alberto beat me there and had already parked, so, he called me trying to help me park near him in the name garage. Fail. I was frustrated and yelled at him over the phone and hung up. I eventually found a place to park, took the elevator down to the ground level, and started to walk towards a building. Was it the right one? I had no idea, so, I called Alberto back. I apologized for yelling at him and then I noticed I was actually walking towards him while we were on the phone. Thank goodness we found each other because we were late at this point and we needed to hustle.

Finally, we made it to the perinatology dept. This place was deserted (it seemed). I guess they were moving, so, that’s why. But, I immediately felt weird in this place. After dealing with co-pays and such, the nurse called us back. They took my weight (Fuck…already 171lbs – although, that’s slightly inaccurate since I’d just eaten a cheeseburger, fries, and guzzled a medium sprite!), measured my height, and then we were taken to an exam room. There was a post-it note on the door with the initials JD…my initials. When we walked in I thought “hhhmmm, this is odd”, because this exam room looked sort of like an OR. It had a bed and all this equipment and those huge lights hanging from the ceiling. Not that I didn’t feel it before, but, things all of a sudden felt really serious.

The ultrasound tech came in and explained that we were going to start our appointment off with an ultrasound. This is what I’d expected, so, I was ready…I really wanted to see our baby again. Because I am 11.5 weeks at this point, we didn’t have to do a vaginal ultrasound. So, I just took off my shoes, laid on the table, unzipped my pants and strategically placed them below my bikini line. The tech tucked a towel under my folded down jeans and flipped it over the top, so that we wouldn’t get any of the gel from the ultrasound wand on my clothes (I appreciated that). Then, she started to look around and almost immediately, she said “there’s baby’s heart, beating away” and I was elated and so relieved. Why, you ask? Well, I was so scared after getting the daunting results of the first trimester screening…not to mention, the genetic counselor said that the levels of protein in my blood were so low, that, it meant either the baby wasn’t the gestation we’d initially thought it was (which is why we were doing the ultrasound today – to confirm the gestation and make sure everything looked good), or, that I was going to miscarry at some point. I had it in my head that if the baby had a heartbeat that we were going to be just fine. So, as soon as we knew that the heartbeat was there and was strong (it was around 150bpm), I felt relieved and I cried tears of relief and joy. As I watched baby gently moving around on the screen, the ultrasound tech continued to look at baby…taking measurements, looking at different angels. And then she said that she was seeing something called a cystic hygroma. She showed us on the screen what it was, and, it looked like a little halo surrounding our baby’s neck and some of the head. She said that it was fluid that is typically there and decreases as gestation progresses. She explained that at this gestation, a normal measurement for this pocket would be about 1.5 to 2cm. Our baby’s was measuring at 5cm…twice the normal size. Obviously, this wasn’t a good thing. So, my tears of joy and relief turned to tears of terror and uncertainty. The tech said that she was going to send these images to the doctor (and that the genetic counselor would explain what it meant) and that she would be right back. I remember Alberto hugging me tight and my hot, wet tears staining his shirt. I was already devastated, and, I just felt completely deflated. The next thing I knew, we were being taken to Pat, the genetic counselors office (we'd spoken before - she as the genetic counselor I'd mentioned in this post).

When we arrived at her office, Pat was waiting for us with a look of concern and compassion on her face. I’m sure she had been through this many times before and has had the talk she was about to have with us many times before. We sat down and she started off very slow, sort of asking us how we were holding up and expressing her sadness for us, because, what we’re going through and will continue to go through is very difficult. She asked us some questions about our family history and both Alberto and I tried to answer her questions to the best of our ability. But, some things we didn’t know and some things we weren’t sure on. She understood and wrote down what she could. Then she began with the business of why we were in her office; to talk about what we saw on the ultrasound. This is when I began to cry, again. She spoke with us about the cystic hygroma, she told us what it is (the same as what the tech said) and what it typically means. She said that most babies with cystic hygromas have some sort of chromosomal abnormality. Conditions like Turners syndrome, T18, T13 and Down’s syndrome are the most common ones associated with a hygroma. She went into detail about each of those conditions (I won’t here) and what they mean for the life of a child who has one of them. Next she started to talk to us about how these chromosomal abnormalities happen. She started to talk about the biology of this all, and, this is when I started to have an out of body experience. See…I know all too well about the biological aspect of aneuploidy. I had learned about this one semester ago in Biology 233 (Anatomy and Physiology). All of the syndromes she was discussing with us are as a result of aneuploidy, which, is a big word for when there is an absence of a chromosome or an extra copy of a chromosome. She didn’t have to explain what a karyotype to me was, because, I know exactly what it is. Similarly, I didn’t need her to explain to me about how cells divide via meiosis and that when T18 or Down syndrome occurs it’s due to an error in the division of cells during meiosis. I knew ALL of this already. So, I sort of floated away…up above myself and I watched as Pat explained these things to Alberto, as she showed him photos of karyotypes and what it looks like when a karyotype is normal versus when it the karyotype of an individual with aneuploidy. All I can remember is thinking “how can this be happening to me? How can I be listening to this lady explain these things to me? Why is this happening to me?” How cruel it felt to me to be listening to this lady tell me things I already knew about, but, now they are all the more real because they apply to me and the child I am carrying inside my womb. 

At some point, she started talking to us about how we could proceed. What we could do from this point to find out if our child has a chromosomal abnormality or not. As I’ve previously mentioned, we had a few options: do nothing and continue on with the pregnancy (this was NOT an option to us), proceed with a CVS (which could be done today), or, wait for the 16^th week of my pregnancy to have an amniocentesis done. Pat explained to us that because the cystic hygroma was found, it wouldn’t be advisable at this point to go through with the NIPT (blood test) we had planned to do today. We agreed, but, needed some time to process everything and talk through things alone. So, we asked Pat to leave the room so we could be alone.

As soon as she left, both Alberto and I broke down. We were overcome with emotion, because, it felt like the prognosis for our child was grim, at best. Because no matter what we decided, our child had something wrong…for the cystic hygroma was there and twice the size that this fluid filled pocket should be. We cried in each other’s arms for a while and then, we talked. We weighed all the options, and as we have been since the second we found out about my blood work...we were on the same page about how we wanted to proceed. We decided not to wait and to move forward with the CVS that day. We called Pat back into her office, told her our decision, and she got the ball rolling on the procedure.

Once back in the exam room, I undressed completely from the waist down. I sat on the table and felt scared and unsure. Unsure because I knew there would be an ultrasound happening during the procedure and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see our baby again. The procedure itself is similar to a pap smear in that it is done vaginally (sometimes transabdominally), but instead of swabbing your vaginal canal to get samples of tissue from your vagina, a thin tube is guided through the vaginal canal and through the cervix to remove a sample of chorionic villus cells from the placenta. This is a drawing of what it looks like:

An ultrasound is done simultaneously to help the doctor guide the catheter up through the vaginal canal and through the cervix. How long the procedure takes is dependent upon how easy (or not) it is for the doctor to get to the placenta and whether or not they get the size sample they need in one pass.

I will not go into details about my procedure, but, I will say it was extremely uncomfortable and downright painful at times. You feel pressure from the speculum (which they move around at times to help the process of guiding the catheter to the placenta) and you feel pressure from the ultrasound wand. Not to mention they have you drink water before hand to fill up your bladder and help position your uterus, making it easier to access the placenta. I kept my composure through most of the exam, but, I couldn’t help but cry at times…because of the pain, because I just wanted my baby to be okay, and because I really wanted to be done. It took a while to get the first sample (an additional doctor was called in to help and I also had to go to the bathroom at one point to release some urine and help reposition my uterus), and then just to be sure, the doctors did a second pass to get more than enough tissue for the lab. It was an extremely emotional experience, and, I was ready to go home and see my beautiful and healthy daughter (Isla) when they were done.

Alberto had to go to school that evening, so, we said our goodbyes in the parking garage and off I went to pick up Isla. On the way to get her I called my mom, looking for support. She gave it to me, amongst other things. I just couldn’t wait to get to Isla…to hug her, to kiss her, and to just be with her. Because she is a reminder that although we are going through a terribly scary and difficult situation, we have her. We can conceive a healthy child. A beautiful, healthy, smart, and witty child.

Because I had to take it easy for the first 24 hours after the procedure, Isla and I went and bought “The Jungle Book” and ordered pizza for dinner. Luckily, Alberto was able to come home before it was time to put Isla down for bed. When that time came, we both kissed and hugged our big baby tight, and, then we let her sleep. 

Ladies' Weekend

Lllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeessssssss…yup, I’m calling all my ladies. 

ATTN: It’s girl’s weekend! Well, it was girl's weekend. I left on Friday and now I am back.

What a nice weekend. It started off with a drive out to the coast with my friend M. At this point, none of my friends (except one, I think) really knows that I am pregnant. With everything that’s been going on, Alberto and I decided to really only tell our families and our employers. But, since M and I are pretty close, I knew that I would tell her what was going on at some point this weekend. I just wasn’t sure when. I guess as we got closer and closer to the coast, I thought maybe telling her while we were alone and in the car would be the best time. So, I told her everything. How I am pregnant, how I’d had my first trimester screening blood test, and how I’d gotten a call just two days ago about my blood work and how it didn’t look so good in some areas. She was very gracious and listened to me and all my stuff…but, she made sure not to ask too many questions or to be insensitive to my thoughts or feelings on what was happening. She even tried to comfort me by telling me a story about her brother in law’s daughter and the medical miracle that she is (I don’t remember all the details). She also told me that whatever happened, that she and her husband T (T and Alberto are buddies) supported us and would be there for us. It was very sweet and I felt a little bit of relief in talking to her about everything. I think part of that reason is because she’s been through some difficulties herself when it comes to pregnancies, and, I feel a sort of kindred spirit with her.

When we got to the house, I was both pleasantly surprised and disappointed. The house was great – it would fit us all comfortably, and, it had everything we needed! However, there was no beach view. Instead, it was a view of a forest...kind of. Still, it was nice and there was a hot tub. I know, I know…hot tubs and babies don’t exactly go hand in hand. But, if we were to turn the heat down and get it to below 100 degrees, it would be just fine to take a dip. Anyway, the other ladies arrived (J and W) and we dove straight into our ladies weekend. I cooked dinner (a delicious baked ziti), and, while I cooked, J came in and we had some alone time to talk. I thought that this might be a good time to talk to her about what was going on, so, I unloaded on her. I told her everything, and, I was able to maintain my composure while telling her (come to think of it, I held my composure with M, too. Maybe because I didn’t look at her in the eye while I talked about it? I was driving). I am mostly always able to control myself when I talk to J. She, too, has been through some difficulties when it comes to pregnancies. Also, J and I know each other from school – biology, specifically. We took our final two anatomy and physiology classes (a three course series) together at Portland Community College, so, we’d just learned about the most prevalent trisomy conditions. Like 2 months prior to all this happening. I think that’s another reason why I can talk to her about this and not get emotional…it’s almost like I’m talking to her about it from a biological standpoint. Just like M, she was gracious as well. Very understanding, patient with me and my thoughts, and extremely supportive. J expressed how she was sorry that we had to go through this and told me that she’d be there for me through this, however I needed. Love her.

After that, we all had dinner, we talked, J and W drank…M and I both had some lovely Brita filtered water…and, we just had a good time. And that’s what the weekend was…drinking (non-alcoholic beverages for me), talking, napping, eating, watching movies. All with some lovely ladies, and, just what I needed. I even took a dip in the hot tub on Sunday morning; WITH a cup of joe. Living on the wild side, huh? Well, not exactly. I watered my cup of coffee down, making it into a sort of half caf, half decaf cup and J (or maybe M?) remembered to turn down the heat on the hot tub and it was 98 degrees by the time I got in it. Perfect! The temp kept dropping while we were in it, as when we got out it was at 95 degrees. I was so glad I got to take a nice, relaxing dip with a yummy cup of coffee on our last morning at the beach…and I didn’t even have to feel bad about it.

We wrapped up our trip with a quick jaunt through Manzanita, and then we headed out to Cannon beach. It was a beautiful day, so, we walked on the beach for a bit, took some photos, and then we had fish and chips for lunch at Jackie’s favorite fish n chips joint: Ecola. DELICIOUS. I had a white fish, of course, so, it was all good. After lunch, we hugged and said our goodbyes…and just like that, our ladies weekend came to an end. M and I hopped into the car and made the trek back to good ole PDX.

Can’t wait for my next ladies weekend. In the meantime, here are a couple photos from our weekend...

Much Needed Time Away

It’s time for some girl’s time. I am heading off to Rockaway beach for a much needed ladies weekend with a few gals who I adore. On the agenda? Not a damn thing…except sleeping, eating, walking the beach, and watching movies.

Can’t wait to get there and start my weekend off right – with a non-alcoholic beverage and snacks!

It's Scheduled

I called this morning and it's scheduled...next Wednesday, February 26th @ 1:30pm. 

The Call

Today started out like any normal Wednesday. 

On Wednesdays Isla goes to school and I go to work at Gymboree Play & Music. Nothing about this day was different, other than my lazy butt not getting up early like I’m supposed to and running for about 35-40 minutes on my treadmill. Low impact, of course. But, since I snoozed (whoops), by the time I got up, I needed to shower, get myself ready, and then get Isla ready. By 7:55am I had Isla and I in the car and we were headed to drop her off at school. Once I dropped her off (after a sweet goodbye hug and kiss, of course), I headed in to work. Wednesdays are my short day…I work from 8:30-12pm. I LOVE Wednesdays because I have a few hours to do things between getting off of work and picking up Isla from school (run errands, study, do homework, etc). I don’t remember what I did when I got home on this Wednesday…I probably ate some lunch and took a nap. I know this, because, I still hadn’t worked out for the day when it was 3:10 and time to hop in the car to pick up Isla.

Once we got home, I decided I was going to work run on my treadmill…something I’ve never done while Isla is awake. So, I had to come up with a plan to distract her. My idea? A pack-n-play, a drink, a snack, and the ipad. I’d downloaded her a Disney Junior Appisode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates (her new fave) and with that, I was ready to get my sweat on. Surprisingly, it went well! She was happy in her pack-n-play with her drink, snacks and Jake, and I got through my whole run. After I stepped off the treadmill, I grabbed a couple weights (10 and 15lbs…light for what I usually do) and started to do some curls and French presses. Then, my phone rang…and my life changed forever.

I missed the call, so, I listened to the voicemail and it was someone named Pat calling from Kaiser. She said she was a genetic counselor and asked me to give her a call back to discuss some things. I thought to myself “genetic counselor…wtf?” So, while Isla was still occupied, I called Pat back. Her voice was very cumbersome…muted, and slow. From the tone in her voice, I knew something wasn’t good. Whatever this lady was going to tell me was something that wasn’t good. 

So she began by explaining to me why she was calling, something about the first trimester blood screening and some results from that screening that were alarming to them. “Alarming”? Well, sh*t…that doesn’t sound good (this is what I am thinking in my head...). First she mentioned the results of the Down syndrome portion of the screening. Apparently, the odds of our baby having Down’s went down from about 1 in 1,053 to about 1 in 1,366. So, that was good. “Yes…some good news”, I thought. Then, she went on to talk about some of the other things the screening screens for: trisomy 13 and 18. The numbers vary in different places. For example, the odds of a baby having trisomy 18 is 1 in 2,500 in one place and 1 in 7,000 in another. The same for trisomy 13…I saw 1 in 5,000 in one place and 1 in 10,000 in another. I don’t know which of the numbers for these trisomy conditions is accurate. But, I do know that Pat told me that our baby’s odds of having either trisomy 13 or 18 went all the way up to a 1 in 1,025 chance. In more simple terms, that means our baby’s chances of having trisomy 13 or 18 are a greater than a 1 in 5 chance, or, a greater than a 20% chance. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…A ONE IN FIVE CHANCE!?! IS THIS REAL!?! I remember listening to the words coming from inside the phone and thinking to myself “oh my gawd, I know exactly what these conditions are and I know exactly how lethal and incompatible with life they are. I just learned this in biology 233. This CANNOT be happening to me right now. This lady cannot be telling me this right now”. But, she was saying this and it was happening…to me. I tried very hard to hold it together because Isla was in the room with me. It’s amazing how that motherly instinct kicks in and I immediately tried to shield my child from seeing her mother hurt or crying. Unfortunately, even with that instinct kicking in, and me being well aware of her presence, I was not able completely shield Isla from my emotions. After all, I felt like I had just been made aware of a death sentence for the child growing inside of me. What’s more…apparently there are some proteins that should be found in maternal blood when a women is pregnant. I don’t know what they are specifically, but, Pat did tell me that those levels in my blood were low for the gestation of our baby. She said that this could be due to the presence of one of the above mentioned conditions, or, due to the baby’s gestation not be calculated properly. Pat also said that she thought the levels of protein in my blood likely meant that I was going to have a miscarriage at some point.

So, after ALL THAT and taking in ALL that information, Pat presented me with some options on how to proceed. The first options was a non-invasive prenatal test (NIPT). This test is a blood test that looks at ratios of different chromosomes in maternal blood. It doesn’t give definitive answers about the presence of trisomy 13, 8, Down’s syndrome, or any other condition. It gives probabilities, and, is therefore considered a screening. She also explained two other options, both of which I was familiar with: a chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or an amniocentesis (amnio)...two diagnostic options (diagnostic because they give a definitive yes or no). A CVS is a procedure that is similar to a pap smear in terms of the entry, but, more specifically, it takes tissue from the placenta (they push a catheter with a gentle suction apparatus through your vaginal canal, up through your cervix) that they put in a dish and grow into a large colony of cells (from that tissue sample). They then analyze those cells for chromosomal abnormalities. This test can be done anywhere from 8-13 weeks. An amniocentesis is different from a CVS in that it involves using a large needle to puncture the abdomen and amniotic sac to get a sample of amniotic fluid to analyze for the same chromosomal abnormalities. This test is done a little further in gestation, between 16-22 weeks. At this point, I had had enough information and really just needed to talk to Alberto about it. So, I thanked Pat for the call and for giving me all the information she did, and said that I would call back tomorrow with a decision on how we wanted to proceed. She told me to take our time in talking and coming to a decision and that when we did decide, she’d be there to help us in any way.

When I got off the phone with Pat, I immediately called Alberto…bawling. I could hear the panic in his voice when he asked me what was wrong, and, I unloaded on him. I told him everything Pat told me. He was en-route to school from work (he goes to school Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday) during the call, so, once he got to school he explained that there was a family emergency to his classmate, asked him to tell the teacher, and then he headed home.

I somehow got Isla dinner that night, we bathed her, and got her down to bed before we really discussed anything. I vaguely remember crying while Isla was awake and Alberto comforting me, but, otherwise, that period of time is a blur. I do know that I’d sent a text to a friend who I knew had had some genetic testing with her second child. I had asked if she could call me a little later to talk (since she wasn’t home) and I told her I’d call once we got Isla down. Once Isla was down, I called my friend and we talked. She’d gotten testing because she is a little older than I am and it was sort of an age precaution (ridiculous, if you ask me…the “advanced maternal age” thing. She’s like 36!). Long story short, there wasn’t anything about her blood work or anything they saw on the ultrasound that was cause for concern. She was very sweet to me and tried to assure me that things were probably fine and that we should try the NIPT that she did. I appreciated her kind words and thoughts, because, I was freaking out inside.

Alberto and I were on the same page about how we thought we should proceed with this process. Since at this point, I am only 10 weeks pregnant, we think the best course of action is to start with the NIPT. It is the least invasive of the options and there really is no cause to be concerned with miscarriage as a result of this blood test. The CVS has around a 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage and the Amnio is somewhere around 1 and 500 chance of miscarriage. We think this is a good place to start because should the blood test come back inconclusive, we can move on to the next step, which would be to have the CVS done. Although it has a higher instance of miscarriage, we feel like we cannot wait another 3 weeks to have the Amnio done (16 weeks gestation at a minimum) and another 7-14 days from that point for results. We already have to wait a week to have the NIPT test done and another 7-14 days for the results of that test. 

Is it me, or, is pregnancy and all the things that come with it a cruel and VERY LONG waiting game?

Our First Baby Appt for Bear # 2

Another day I've so impatiently waited for. I never did, and still don’t understand how women are supposed to wait 5-7 weeks from the time they find out they are pregnant until the time they have the first baby appointment. Those weeks feel like a sort of purgatory. Yes, you’ve seen a positive pregnancy test…or maybe even 2 or 3. But, for me, this time just feels so weird. It’s kind of like…am I? Am I not? What’s happening in there? Is this baby okay? Without knowing the answer to those questions, you’re just supposed to mosey along, behaving as if you’re pregnant...doing the things that you’re supposed to do to keep yourself and a growing little one healthy. But, nothings been confirmed. There’s nothing to show for what you think you know. Except those tests, maybe some gas, maybe some vomiting, etc. But, nothing that really screams – YOU’RE PREGNANT! I gotta say…I hate the time between the first positive pregnancy test and the first appointment. I really do. I am a visual learner and a visual person, so, until I see it with my own two eyes it feels unreal. Having said all that, I bet you can totally understand why I was so impatiently waiting for this day to come after finding out 5 1/2 weeks prior that I was with child – or that’s what the test I took told me, right?

Our appointment was @ 2pm. A perfect time because Isla was at school and Alberto could slip away from work (the doctor’s office is less than 10 minutes from his job) to meet me. We got called in and all the run of the mill stuff happened. Took my weight (holy sh*t – I already weigh THAT much?), my height, blood pressure, etc. Then, the moment I was waiting for came…it was time to see the baby I think I have in my belly in real time. Live, and in my face. Oh boy was I excited. Sweet, slow tears of joy, smiles, and happy warm feelings in my heart and in my tummy ensued. It was REAL. I really AM pregnant and there really is a small bear in my tummy. Both Alberto and I were elated, excited, and we both felt validated. It is happening and in about 8 3/4 months, we would add an addition to our family of 3. Just amazing! 

Everything looked great over the ultrasound. Baby was measuring right on…9w and 3d, heart beat was strong (around 150 bpm), and my uterus looked good too. All very good stuff. Otherwise, the appointment was very quick. We talked about how I wanted to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and about getting the surgical records from my first delivery, and one last thing…my concerns about drinking. Remember how I’d mentioned before that I drank lots over the holidays? Well, I was pregnant and didn’t know it. But, still...I was drinking and was scared and upset about it. It was one of the reasons I’d bawled when I found out I was pregnant. I discussed my concerns with my OB and she was very clear with me: when I was drinking, our baby was in the “all or nothing” stage of development. What that means is…if something were going to occur from the drinking I’d done, it would have resulted in a miscarriage already. So, all or nothing…it it’s going to affect the embryo, or, it’s not and it’s not a concern. Obviously, since I was still pregnant and things looked great on the ultrasound, it wasn’t a concern. I breathed a sigh of relief, and with that, the appointment was over. It was time to get my blood drawn for the first trimester screening. We’d done this with Isla, so, I was more than happy to do it this time around and was not worried or apprehensive about it.

I haven't mention this before, but, on the 1^st of this year we switched our health insurance from a PPO with United Healthcare to an HMO with Kaiser. So far, we’ve had great experiences with Kaiser. This time was no exception. Dr. O (my OB) was great, her assistant was lovely as well. I was so happy to leave my appointment on the third floor and be able to head downstairs to the first floor to get my blood drawn…in the same building. SO EASY! I also gave a urine sample, just in case (Maybe TMI: I felt like my discharge was heavier than normal, so, we thought it would be a good idea to check my urine for any bacteria, etc). With all that done, it was time to head home and pick up Isla from school.

Words could not describe how happy I felt knowing that our little bear was in there…looking good and growing nicely. I could not wait to hug Isla and somehow transfer my happiness to her via a huge bear hug and several mama bear kisses (Alberto went back to work after our appt with the OB and to school after work).